Mentoring Monday: Mary Misses and Messes

At our most recent Mentoring Monday session, Sharlene (a recent ADC grad!) joined us from Florida. One of my favorite things about Mentoring Monday is that we never know who will show up, what we’ll talk about, or what challenges we’ll tackle. It keeps my Activity Professional and Consultant muscles strong!

So, back to Sharlene…

She shared a situation involving Mary, person who lived at the community where she worked. Mary had formed a close friendship with Martin, a person staying temporarily for rehab. He’d escort her to activities, wheel her around the community, and they’d sit outside together, enjoying the sunshine. Mary, who loves the outdoors, thrived in this companionship—picking flowers, soaking in nature, and keeping her hands busy.

But then Martin’s therapy services ended and he returned home. Now, Mary misses Martin.

The staff told Sharlene, “Don’t remind her about Martin. She won’t remember unless you tell her.” But Mary does remember—she looks for him, asks about him, and tells Sharlene, “I miss Martin.” And more than that, Sharlene noticed a shift in Mary’s behavior. Before, she only picked flowers. Now, she’s picking up anything—sticks, trash, cigarette butts. She’s participating less and she seems more withdrawn.

So Sharlene asked Natalie and me: What do I do? She wants to honor Mary’s grief, but she’s being told not to. She wants to keep encouraging Mary’s love for the outdoors, but she’s worried about safety.

Here’s what we told her:

We disagree with the advice to avoid talking about Martin. Mary is grieving! Pretending he never existed won’t help her process her loss. Instead, we suggested a meaningful activity: making a greeting card and send it to Martin. This acknowledges her feelings and keeps their friendship alive in a healthy way.

And let’s talk about Trauma-Informed Care—a required approach that recognizes, understands, and responds to trauma. Mary is experiencing trauma. How dare we ignore that? Sharlene is going to support Mary through it!

An example of a Fairy Garden

Mary loves being outside and using her hands, so let’s adapt the environment to keep her safe while making sure she still feels engaged. Here’s what we brainstormed:

• Gloves & Trash Bag – If she wants to pick things up, let’s make it a positive and purposeful task. Give her a glove for infection control and a trash bag to put the rubbish.

• Trash Bag & Treasure Bag – One for cleaning up, one for keeping special finds like pretty rocks or flowers.

• Garden Engagement – Give her an area to arrange or tend. (Fairy gardens, anyone? I love these!)

• Interactive Pathways – Signs with little activities: “Find a red leaf,” “Touch a smooth rock,” “Take a deep breath.”

• Painted Rock Hunt – Place colorful, painted rocks along the paths for her to discover. Maybe she needs to paint some herself.

  
  

Sharlene now has a plan to support Mary in both her grief and her need for engagement. I can’t wait to hear how it goes! (I’ll comment below when I get an update!) Feel free to comment if you have a suggestion for Sharlene and Mary!

Join Us for the Next Mentoring Monday!

This is what I love about Mentoring Monday. At ActivTimes, we have structured courses, but here? It’s all about YOU. Bring your challenges, and let’s figure things out together.

It’s free, it’s one hour, it’s on Zoom—every 4th Monday of the month (pausing for summer and holidays).

Find the specific dates and Zoom link on our virtual events page! See you there!