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Valentine’s Day in Senior Living: Expanding Our Understanding of Love
- Dr. Hayley Moseley, ACC
- Feb 11
- 3 min read
Valentine’s Day often arrives wrapped in red hearts, roses, and assumptions about romance. But in senior living communities, this holiday carries many layers, and not all of them feel joyful. For some people in our communities, Valentine’s Day may highlight the absence of a spouse or partner who has died. For others, it may recall complicated relationships, losses, or experiences that make the traditional narrative of romantic love feel distant or even painful.
As activity professionals, we have an opportunity to gently reshape the meaning of this day, moving beyond a single definition of love and instead creating space to celebrate the many ways love exists throughout a lifetime.
Recognizing the Hidden Side of Valentine’s Day
Before planning decorations or events, it helps to pause and ask:
Who might find this day difficult?
Whose love story has changed?
Are we unintentionally assuming everyone feels the same way?
Trauma-informed programming reminds us that holidays can carry emotional weight. A widow may miss holding hands with her partner. Someone who experienced domestic violence may feel uneasy with romantic imagery. Others may simply feel overlooked if they never married.
Acknowledging this complexity doesn’t remove joy, it expands it.
Broadening the Definition of Love
Valentine’s Day can become a celebration of connection in all its forms:
Love for family and lifelong friendships
The bond between residents and caregivers
The companionship of pets
Self-love and self-compassion
Community belonging
When we widen the lens, more people feel included and more stories become visible.
Understanding Love Languages
One of the most powerful ways to make Valentine’s Day meaningful is to consider how people experience love. Not everyone feels cared for in the same way. Some individuals value:
Words of affirmation (cards, kind messages)
Acts of service (helpful gestures)
Quality time (shared experiences)
Physical touch (when appropriate and welcomed)
Gifts or symbolic tokens
As activity professionals, we can ask ourselves:
Do we know how each resident prefers to receive appreciation?
Would they rather receive a rose or a conversation?
A hug or simply someone sitting beside them?
A handmade card or help calling a family member?
When we understand love languages, programming becomes more personal and less performative.
Moving From Theme to Meaning
Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be reduced to decorations or traditions. Instead, it can become a gentle invitation to explore connection, belonging, and humanity in all its forms. When we shift the focus from romance alone to the broader landscape of love, we create a space where every resident can find themselves reflected, whether they arrive with joy, grief, gratitude, or quiet reflection. And perhaps that is the most meaningful celebration of all.
Okay, so what do I put on my calendar?
Valentine’s programming doesn’t need to center on romance to feel meaningful. Instead, consider offering options that reflect different ways people give and receive love.
Craft? Instead of making cards for... making cards. Let's give them to the staff, to residents who don't leave their room, or send them to a local women's or family shelter.
Cooking? Make dog treats to show some love to puppies without homes at the local animal rescue.
Reminisce? Start with First Kiss and Memorable First Dates. If someone doesn't want to share about a "lost love," they don't have to.
Trivia? Yes, we can do chocolate trivia, but how about finding out the residents' "meet-cutes" with their spouses and ask "Which resident was set up on a blind date with her husband by Henry Kissinger?" (yes - true story from a resident in a community where I worked!) or "Who had their first kiss after watching Jesus Christ Superstar?" (that was my parents' first date). Even a simple "Who fell in love with the man who invented voicemail?" (Another resident I worked with!)
Book club? (many times people in senior living communities who have mild cognitive loss can't read a whole book) Ask AI to write a story about a couple at the nursing home who fell in love. Read it together. (Ask AI to give you three discussion questions about it and it will!) (Even better if you have a resident who can write their love story down then use it for book club!)
Whatever you have on your calendar for any holiday, focus first on the people in the community and second on the holiday itself. This is how we twist and turn our events to make them person-centered and memorable for everyone.
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